I Work for Matt Mullenweg (WordPress Developer) and I Have Proof!

You know, I wonder when I’m going to get the keys to the executive washroom at WordPress now that I can prove that I work there. You doubt me? Well, have a look at this!bumpy mailing box

Would the U.S. Postal Service send a parcel addressed to me at WordPress if I did not work there? There is a legal precedent for my claim. It has already been proven beyond the shadow of a doubt in court that Santa Claus is real because the post office delivered mail to him, as shown in the well-known documentary, Miracle on 34th Street (1947):

This concrete evidence with legal support entitle me to all the perks of employment at WordPress:

1.  Annual salary of $40 million

2. Keys to the executive washroom at WordPress Corporate Office & Headquarters, 60 29th Street #343 San Francisco CA 94110-4929; phone 1-877-273-3049

3. A sumptuously appointed top floor office suite overlooking the majestic view of whatever is on 29th Street

4. A silver jaguar

5. A monogrammed pen that works, please

6. A generous donation to Dr. Igor Galynker, MD, PhD, Update on the Suicide Trigger Scale (STS-3) – The Practical Psychosomaticist

I’ll write you a letter after my wife and I have finished the move to our palatial estate.

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Comments

  1. Don’t forget the private chef and chauffeur! haha funny.

    Like

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