Your Action Plan: G.O.A.W.A.Y

This post is for fun, so I don’t want anyone jumping out of any windows a la “War of the Worlds.”

220px-Cattle_eating_grass_through_barbed_wire_fenceI get those ads about non-clinical careers for doctors in the mailbox occasionally, the latest one being G.O.A.W.A.Y. (Great Opportunities Are Waiting and Yet…).

And the latest figures on burnout in psychiatry residents and practicing physicians is 40% and 30%, respectively (May 2014 issue of Psychiatric Times).

Stress and burnout in clinical medicine are not getting any better and it’s understandable that some would find a move to a non-clinical career attractive at times. The ads for GOAWAY are colorful and compelling. Just a glance at the Frequently Asked Questions is probably enough to convince anyone to make the move.

Q. What is the average age of your attendee?

A. Why, every year GOAWAY welcomes interns, residents, and physicians in their 70s. Don’t ask us why there would be 70 year old interns.

Q. Why would there be 70 year old interns?

A. Next question, please.

Q. Do other doctors feel the same way as I do?

A. You bet. Way over 200 trillion of your colleagues attended our non-clinical program in Waikiki just last year–and that was just one of the breakout sessions! You are far from being a wingnut, much less a moonbat.

Q. I’m just a family doc; I didn’t go to a place like Harvard, got my license from a CrackerJack box, and think MBA stands for Monkey Bar Allegiance. What’s in it for me?

A. Only about 900 billion dollars a year, tax free, especially if you have no qualms about working as an executive with the American Board of Medical Specialties. Did you know that for every minute you spend just thinking about how important the Maintenance of Certification is to the American public, you can earn an extra perk such as a fun-filled vacation in Aruba, YEH!

Q. Do attendees find jobs at the conference?

A. Are you kidding? How are your hamburger-flipping skills?

Q. Do I have to be actively looking for a job to attend or benefit from this program?

A. Not at all, you putz! Thousands flock to our sun-washed resorts to get away from their call schedules and eat a metric ton of marzipan.

Q. Do I need to worry about confidentiality?

A. What’s it worth to you?

Convinced? Good luck.

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