Oh my goodness, have you heard the latest about the Clozapine REMS Program? They’re under attack! I see the home page has a new update message.
Can you grasp it? Take a look at the claim:
“As of October 21, 2015, based on initial findings, we believe that 844-prefix numbers are potentially being blocked by some organizations’ telecommunication services.
If you are experiencing this problem, in order to contact the Clozapine REMS Program please try using a phone or fax number from a previous registry (listed below). All phone and fax numbers from the previous registries are forwarded to the Clozapine REMS Program.
- Voice: 800-507-8334
- Fax: 800-507-8339″
Like that’s plausible! I am astonished. These people will go to any lengths, use any excuse, to avoid simply making a public apology to patients, pharmacists, and prescribers. They need to acknowledge they made mistakes and fix them.
It’s ironic but I wonder if what makes them believe they “are potentially being blocked by some organizations’ telecommunication services” might be…paranoia. What are their so-called “initial findings” they mention? Are aliens involved? Is the whole mess a complicated hoax?
What if I called and could actually connect with those alternate phone numbers?
REMS Rep: Hello, I’m E.T. Barnum and I just need to ask a few questions to ensure we’re on a secure line and that you are not a member of an organization that has been blocking us recently. This conversation is being recorded for quality improvement and training purposes for our X-Files. Just who the hell are you?
E.T.: Not so fast, buster. I’ll ask the questions here. Our records indicate you have never publicly denied crowing like a rooster in your skivvies while twiddling your thumbs and balancing on a unicycle in Times Square at 2:00 AM in 1962. Is that true?
Dr. Amos: Is that it? Is that all you’re gonna ask me? Well I got a couple of thousand goddamn questions, you know. I want to speak to someone in charge. I want to lodge a complaint. You have no right to make people crazy! What the hell is going on around here? Who the hell are you people?
There must be a way to solve this problem.