At first I wondered if Bernie Sanders buys his socks there, since the outfit that produces them is in Vermont. But then I discovered that he probably buys them elsewhere.
This all got started after I learned how quickly the socks wore out that I got for Christmas from my wife, Sena…they last one day and I’ve thrown out every pair. They were just Darn Socks as you can see from the before and after shots.
She paid a little more money than usual for them and we’re both puzzled why they’re so short-lived. In order not to embarrass the maker and retailer, I decided not to mention them.
The residents and I discussed Darn Tough Socks yesterday. One of them might order a couple of pairs from the Vermont store. They’re definitely not cheap, as I discovered today when I drove out to Fin and Feather where they are sold to check them out.
The salesman and I talked about it briefly. He shared a story the product rep told him about the unconditional lifetime guarantee and whether it’s real. It seems Bernie Sanders happened to be making some kind of music album back in the 1980s and while he was jamming with a large group of Vermont musicians, he kicked off his shoes and started dancing. And then everybody kicked off their shoes and with all the wild singing and dancing, it turned into this huge sock hop.
When they were done, Bernie couldn’t find his shoes in the pile. He decided to walk all the way to Coralville, Iowa in his Darn Tough Socks because he heard that Fin and Feather was this great store that sold them and he predicted with uncanny accuracy that the trek would likely result in ruination for his socks. It was raining. The studio was in a bad neighborhood and the sidewalks were missing in some places. He cut through alleys, barnyards, and had to trot up and down gravel roads. And the freeways were murder. He tried hitch hiking but nobody would give him a ride because he looked like a wild man with that whacky hair.
Although Hillary Clinton denies it, she was there and has told Rolling Stone reporters that aliens abducted her and Bernie and she witnessed them trying to steal his socks, using laser beams and sharp probes. Bernie fought them off and just kept telling the aliens about his national health program and accusing them of being corrupt with their rigged human and alien hybridization program. They got fed up and dropped him off at the Fin and Feather store in Iowa City. Nobody knows exactly what happened to Hillary, but Fox Mulder has speculated that they kept her for a while, cloned her, dropped her off eventually at the White House and have been sending her emails ever since.
Bernie staggered over to Fin and Feather when he noticed that his Darn Tough Socks were raggedy, full of holes, soaking wet, and useless. He asked the store to help him return his socks so he could get a replacement pair as part of the lifetime guarantee. They suggested he just buy a new pair, but he said they were too expensive. Then they said they would rather not assist him because they’d have to hassle with boxing them up and paying for the parcel post and everything so it was not worth it to them. Besides the socks smelled pretty bad by that time and they couldn’t get within 10 yards of them. Wow, Bernie had to walk all the way to the Coralville Post Office, shell out the cash and wait a month, staying at the Coralville Marriott where he gave nightly talks about his progressive tax proposal (people loved it; they thought it was a standup comedy routine) and sang “This Land is Your Land” for food–but Darn Tough Socks honored the guarantee.
I figured I couldn’t lose so I bought a couple pairs. The selection is pretty good and the colors are nice. I’m going to test how durable they are, probably starting next week.